My old school friend

I got a message from Zimbabwe that my old school friend died in her sleep last Tuesday morning. She was HIV positive. Her older and only sister died of it last year 2009. Her first born brother is seriously ill with it. He has two wives who both are positive. Her other brother was moved from Harare last month to Masvingo rural area (where they come from ) so he can die at home and save on body transportation costs. Their mother is the most wearisome woman in the whole of Africa. I rung her on a neighbour's mobile phone and she cried to me the whole time. She has 11 grand children of which three are known to be HIV positive. They are the lucky ones as they will die much sooner. The others will have a longer but much more misreable orphaned life. Some of them will get HIV (when they are much older) from engaging in sex work or sleeping with sex workers without condoms.

I sent my friend's mother a few USD, more to make myself feel better, than to improve her situation, which is now beyond what money can do.

My friend married at 18 and was very excited about it. Her husband turned out to be a womaniser and a violent man. She had many beatings and an infection. Now 12 years later she is gone. The husband died 4 years ago. For two years after he died, my friend looked after her three children by getting what she could from men. Their wives will be dead women walking as we speak.

The mothers and children we leave behind suffer a lot more than we have suffered from this disease, yet what can anyone do about it? The whole family will be gone before the year is out. Access to ARVs in Zimbabwe is not easy. In any case most men refuse to accept that they are HIV positive unless they can convince their lot that the wife is to blame. HIV in Zimbabwe is spread by men and that is not going to change anytime soon.