Today in 1998

Today is a special day to me. It was on a Thursday, July 30, 1998 that I lost my life, my virginity, my future, and all that I stood for. I had lost the last of my parents three months before that. I had had to stop my education as well. My siblings and I were living in the rapist and his wife’s house at the time. I am the oldest and being female in a house with men who are not nuclear family in Zimbabwe is a serious threat to self when it comes to rape. There are many house girls who regularly are raped by the man of the house and get extra cash in return from him, without his wife knowing.
I remember the day very clearly, especially the fact that I had nobody to turn to after the rape. His wife was already ill and in need of a certain level of care, having been infected by the same man.

Blackmail

On 11/03/2008, I posted an intention to ask all former clients whose names I have in my diaries to contribute to the cost of looking after children with HIV or orphaned children in Zimbabwe or risk their names being published on the Internet. I thought many readers would appreciate that these men have no sense of loyalty or confidentiality since they were mostly married but had no problems visiting me for sex behind their wives backs, and paying me money obviously belonging to the family, for personal gratification, which they could have easily got from their wives free of any cost to the family. I was wrong. I have been accused of blackmailing people and deserving a prison sentence. I also got told that nobody would believe me and everyone would see it as just revenge for something I hold against the men whose names are published. Jo, the first man to offer to pay, pointed out that the list would not be fair since some people who may seem to be refusing to pay may well be dead. In that case the distress caused by the list would be untold.

At that point I relented. I will burn the diaries so that neither myself nor anyone finding them may not be tempted to use them in this manner in the future. The money to look after the children just has to be raised in some other manner. I think that it is the responsibility of all those alive to feed the children whose parents have died and left them too young to feed themselves. I was drawn into sex work exactly in this manner and now the cycle has gone full circle. I was added to the pool of those that are part and parcel of the problem.

The number of sex workers in Southern Africa and specifically Zimbabwe, is increasing because of hardships. A young girl who finds that she has a vagina that can earn her a good meal each day will not hasitate to use it. men with money are men with access to many such girls whom they share between themselves and condomlessly. Its not long before that young girl is infected and is infecting others accordingly.

Feed the orphans and let them be children for a while longer, and hopefully choose real men they can be in trusting relationships with. As soon as I found I was HIV positive, I removed my womb so I could never have children of my own to leave as orphans for someone else to feed.

Oral sex with a condom

Spoke to a group of girls yesterday about protection. Most say they have oral sex without a condom, then slip the condom onto the man for vaginal sex. I have done this myself many times, even after I knew I was HIV positive. Fluids from a man start flowing the moment he gets excited There will be lube, precum and finally semen. These all carry HIV and whether one takes it orally or vaginally is really not important. The point is to avoid HIV.

So how practical is oral sex with a condom. I do not think many men would like it. So better not to start it in the first place, if a condom is not favoured.

Also remember, once a man is erect he has no brain power till he ejaculates. Don't expect him to think.

Condoms are expensive.