Love and loyalty not together for black men.

For most women I have met, when they love, they become loyal. For all men I have had a chance to talk to, love is one thing and loyalty is completely another. Loyalty for men is not at all difficult to get rid of. I was once in a restaurant with a married man I knew and we were discussing why men have difficulty with loyalty to their wives. He made pronouncements about how loyal he was to his wife. After listening I asked if he would say NO if I offered him sex after the meal. His answer was, “Well normally I would say no, but you are my friend and my wife’s friend, so I would feel obliged to accept as loyalty to a friend.” We heard Jacob Zuma in court saying it is not allowed for a true Zulu man to see an aroused woman and do nothing about her plight. This implies that the whole Zulu nation has no idea about loyalty to one’s spouse.

It must also mean the Zulu women expect to any man they meet to give them sex on first evidence of need. But no, the men expect themselves to be free to deal with women’s arousal states, but the women are not allowed the same freedom.

In Namibia the equation is different. A husband returning from a long trip does not go directly home. He arrives at a home nearby and sends a little child to go and inform his wife that he is back. This is done in order to allow time for any other man who might have been pleasuring his wife to leave before the husband arrives. I like that idea. In Zimbabwe the husband, on suspecting that his wife might have a lover, would creep in to try to catch him. If he did catch them at it, he would seek to divorce his wife and accept a fine from the man. This is despite the fact that he (the husband) might well have a number of girlfriends himself at the time he catches his wife with one boyfriend.

The attitude of confused loyalty, is one factor which has helped HIV to spread fast. In Zimbabwe the leader, Robert Mugabe set an example by having illicit sex with Grace while she was married to another man and he to another woman. The vice president’s husband, Solomon was said by his wife to be having affairs. Gideon Gono the Reserve bank chief is known to have affairs,. Other important politicians have affairs that are known by the public. These are mostly men. There is disapproval when a prominent woman has affairs. In South Africa, Zuma espoused the virtues of a Zulu man regarding sex, seeing himself as the essence of virility when talking under oath. He was talking for the black man. The back man’s whole persona, is symbolised by his penis and its functions. A black man will love his wife to bits, but will go where his penis leads him. The other woman needs it just as much. Loyalty to his race is of higher value than loyalty to his wife. The wives know it.